Oh the things we must do...

We are about to embark on a huge renovation to our house.  We are talking eighteen months of life upheaval but the end result will be worth it.  We have been in the planning, permit and replanning stages for the last two years.  The latest requirement is to be green builder certified before you start the work.  I am happy to help the planet, but it does seem just one more way for someone to make more money.  I worry about this.

Lilly starts real school next week and along with getting new shoes and clothes, she will be getting new friends.  I worry about this.

James is still number 7 on the waiting list at the preschool I want him to attend.  He may not get in until he is three.  I worry about this.

My work is slow going and it is clear that I will need to work harder and longer to make a success of this.  Do I want to?  I have such flexibility and even though I make no money unless I sell something, the stress is next to nothing.  I enjoy it when I take the time to work but will I always?  I worry about this.

I am still not losing weight, but I am not exercising or watching what I eat, so I guess I can't really worry about that.

A story from our houseboat vacation with family and friends...

A family friend was on the houseboat along with his two sons.  One son, an eighth grader who may have been one of the nicest, sweetest boys I have ever encountered in my life.  He was great with adults, children and he seemed to be having the time of his life.  His brother, a fifth grader, has a degenerative enzyme disease.  He is not supposed to be alive today.  His father, a truly wonderful man, was so patient and loving and caring for both his kids.  He enjoyed himself and made sure that BOTH his boys were having a memorable experience.

I am sure this man has many worries and heartaches as he watches his son.  I am sure he worries about money, careers, his sons and his overall life.  But for three days, he had no worries.  He embraced the now and enjoyed the adventure.

I need to learn how to do this more often.

happymommy

Here is what I am worried about today....

The school year is around the corner and Lilly starts Kindergarten.  We will get new shoes, clothes, a backpack and lunch box.  She will make new friends and I hope to as well.  She can read.  She is a born artist.  She does well at ballet and other sports.  But what worries me most is what socially lies around the corner? The images and information out there about "mean girls" and bullies is overwhelming.  

One of my favorite bloggers describes her personal bully experience in grammar school and it scared me to death.  No Style Points describes the horror and a lack of dealing with the problem by her parents as well as the school.  Through her writing one can still see the pain and damage it did to her psyche. 

I don't want this for Lilly, or for James of course, but I have a feeling he will be fine.  I worry about her because she is so like me.  Every day is a new chance at making friends, honoring the ones I have, being the center of attention and most of all, being loved.  

My growing up story gains momentum, much like a fishing story, each year the "fish" gets bigger and bigger.  The bottom line is that I moved so much throughout my young life that I never had a "place."  And when I finally did have a place, we moved again.  Let me make this clear:  we did not move because we were escaping anything.  The military moved my family every three years except for the years my sister was in high school.  My dad did a "hardship" tour so she could finish school with her friends.  By the time I reached high school, I couldn't for the life of me find my place so I  asked to be moved from this school to that one to the next one trying to find peace.  But through this all, even when I was at my loneliest and the most unhappy, I was never bullied.  I imagine that if this would happen in today's world, I would have been.  This is what I fear most.

I think today I find solace in my own life that I am home, in every sense of the word.  But for Lilly, she is just starting.  What can I do to make sure that SHE feels at home, loved and comfortable not only in her own house, but socially?.  

This is what I worry about today.  Tomorrow it will be about why James refuses to wear swim trunks instead of his Speedo.  Welcome to my head.

happymommy