Sometimes you forget...

I love my husband. I have written before about how much I admire him and he how he is mostly perfect. Jeff is a great father, a wonderful husband and friend.

He loves his children. He gives them adventures and hugs. He simply is Jeff. And I love him.

Without him, I would be lost. I was lost. Then I found him. The end.... Much more to come...

happymommy

Goodbye Mr. Gubbles...

Lilly's fish, Mr. Gubbles, died this morning. I cried because of the fish. Lilly comforted me because I was so sad. But, it is just a fish.

I cried in Starbucks. I cried in Costco. I just cried while trying to find a place for the eight cans of refried beans and one hundred green tea bags. But it is just a fish.

When my uncle died last week, and I traveled to North Carolina to say goodbye, I cried. But I also laughed, smiled and hugged many. The time wasn't all sad. It was family and love and so much more. We said goodbye and we are moving on with our lives.

I cry because others have lost so much more than a fish by way of cancer, war and disease. I cry because I will never see any of my grandparents again. I cry because one day I will lose my mom and my dad. I cry because I will continue to have to say goodbye many more times as the years progress.

I cry because Lilly's fish died.

Goodbye Mr. Gubbles...

You were a good little fish!

happymommy

Just because....

I haven't posted in almost exactly four months. Lots of reasons why and none very exciting to share. But this past weekend I had the honor of being part of saying goodbye to a very important man, my uncle. He was loved beyond words by family and friends. So many people were touched by this sweet man, whose hard life and earned lessons were shared to help others become better and make true impacts on the world around them. I am one of them. I am better because I knew him, and he loved me.

Levon Helm, who also died last week and was a HUGE part of the music world, gave us this song in 2009. It couldn't be more appropriate for my uncle's passing, and for everyone who leaves loved ones and affected ones behind. No more crying, just going home...

happymommy

So much...

I have so much to be grateful for this year. My blessings are abundant with love and laughter.

There is her...

And him...

These fellows...

New friends...

And so many more people who make my life complete. I love you all!

Please go and visit the lovely, wonderful and talented The Bloggess today. Her post today is a beautiful one.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

More from Denver next week.

happymommy

My dreams...

I spend a lot of time trying to figure out where I belong and where I plan to go. Life as a wife and mom tends to get lost in the mundane of existence. I have failed at two jobs in the last two and a half years. But this is because of me. I don't have a goal. I need a goal. Damn, I need a dream. I can't picture myself beyond being a wife and a mom. 

I heard something on the radio today that really made me think. I look around at my "alright," and I am pleased. This may be the best that I have, and you know what, "that is alright." Because you know what, this alright, it is my dream.

Thank you Bill Withers for putting words to my figuring it out...

I love this...

And thank you for this song as well Mr. Bill Withers!

Such a beautiful song, but couldn't find it live. So, mom, please excuse that one part!
**these videos are via youtube. I give complete credit to both Bill Withers as well as the artist that put them together! 
Thank you!**

**FIND, BUY AND WATCH THE BILL WITHER'S DOCUMENTARY OF HIS WORK AND HIS LIFE UP TO THIS POINT. HIS CONTINUED BELIEF IN WHAT EXISTENCE MEANS IS GENIUS.**

I will continue to search for my dream, beyond this "alright." I have plans to write, research and make some hot sauce. I couldn't be happier, more blessed or confused.

happyrachael

Hello, hello? Is this thing on???

Is anyone there? Hello?

It has been exactly one month and one day since I last visited this lonely little blog. And I miss it. I miss writing, sharing my stories and my family with the thousands and thousands of people who care about me. The truth of the matter is, I haven't really known what to write. I think for a while that I went away in my mind. I have been trudging through life worried about my home, my husband and my kids. Not really worried exactly, just existing. Since we moved home, it has been an up and down roller coaster of settling in and adjusting to our "real" life. Not until recently did I feel at home. We dealt with the unfinished aspect of the house, personal issues that aren't mine to discuss, a scary health scare with Lilly and a general feeling of unrest. I wanted to write about all of this, but instead, I took naps. (Oh yeah, I also lost my job. Napping may have lead to this.)

I miss this space. I miss sharing pictures and antedotes of my life with others. This space is my safe place where everything is mostly happy and my children grow without developing attitudes and are never sick or unhappy. It can't always be that way, but I am going to attempt to share it again.

So for now, here are some pictures showing the happyrachael family doing our thang!

JAMES GOT A BELT!

Lilly got a desk...

And in the words of Jeff, don't we wish she would always be this little.

I ran out of hot sauce and attempted to make my own.

Jeff's eyes are still recovering and the paint peeled off the walls!

I didn't get a picture of our movie event, but I did see this...

BREAKING DAWN... FOREVER IS ONLY THE BEGINNING

with the wonderful, Sara - Periwinkle Papillon

We laughed, we cried

And we shook our head...

(I would share pictures of the movie poster, but turns out I will get sued.)

This fabulous woman/blogger/friend invited me to a blogging event sponsored by Driscolls!

Kris Mulkey - Social Media Wonder, Fabulous Woman and my friend

We spent the evening at a food and photography event sponsored by Driscolls.

I met Chef Rick Rodgers and ate some amazing food which featured Driscoll's fruit.

I was surrounded by amazing bloggers and watched how companies are beginning to understand the importance of social media and how branding through bloggers is powerful. No one is interested in using me to brand their company, but the food and company were simply fabulous! I learned a lot, laughed and spent a few hours with my friend. It was a great night!

Which was not upstaged by...

Lilly's Ballet performance.

Or...

James' Christmas Preschool Program

Disclaimer: James spent the entire time waving at Jeff and I, or putting his hands down his pants.

I turned 41 and...

Morphed into a version of my mom and my sister. 

I now wear reading glasses and I am not sure how I ever survived without them.

Somewhere in between all of these events we had Thanksgiving. We showed off our house. We ate. We had family time. I got no pictures but Jeff cleaned the whole kitchen.

I fell in love all over again...

Today the most recent version of the Top 100 Mom Blogs was published on Babble. I read and follow most of these writers, so I get the list. However, a pretty big controversy is evolving as to what makes a top mom blogger and I want no part of this. But what I will say, is as a mom blogger who gets around to writing every once in a while, this top list, any top list, doesn't negate MY OWN experience or my writing. I do know, it would be hard to be them. I want to write when I can and about what I want. I may never make a cent. No one will ever pay attention to me. For now, I am fine with this. So, there is that.

happyrachael

PS: I am turning off comments for the foreseeable future. I just want people to enjoy that I am back, not worry about saying anything. Hugs!

PSS:  THIS BLOG IS NOT SPONSORED BY DRISCOLLS. I was a guest of an actual invitee and did receive a gift bag of fruit and other fruit related items. All opinions expressed are my own.

You know that moment?...

I looked around this evening at my beautiful house, my healthy children (well, except for Lilly who seems to have come down with the plague) and my husband who loves me and I wondered how I got so lucky. Then, I looked at my schedule, my contacts and my social life and I was sad.

I get bogged down in life and circumstances and I am faced with the fact that I am constantly left out of the loop and I'm not important enough to be considered for a social event, or a night on the town. Does this matter to me? Should it? YES IT DOES. 

Right now I feel the exact same way I felt in 5th, 7th, 8th grades, all of high school and the first three years of college. I am sad. Actually really sad.

But oh well. I will wake up tomorrow and my kids will need me. My husband will love me and still, my house will be beautiful.

happymommy