Let's review shall we...

In the next five days, we must pack up eight months of apartment living in the city all while wrangling normal life, activities and the dreaded commuting. Then we must unpack ten years of life into our newly remodeled house. All of this would be wonderful and I would be a tad bit less stressed out if I weren't participating in the 3Day Walk for the Cure. I am so very proud of myself for being part of this huge event to help raise awareness and money for the Susan G. Koman foundation. 

To review: I will be walking (yes me...) 60 miles in 3 days and camping out (yes me...) on Treasure Island for two nights. I have to purchase 9 million dollars of equipment for the walk and the camping. This, I have not yet done. Tomorrow, I will spend the day with the kids at Target, Sports Basement and Big 5 trying to find a way to fit 3 days and two nights of walking/camping equipment in a bag that weighs no more than 35 lbs. Oh yeah, I need a bag too. As with everything dealing with this walk, I have left it all to the end.

I should have done my fundraising sooner. I needed to start training earlier. I could have scheduled better. But it is what it is. I am training. Today I walked 9.4 miles with a friend. Friends are stepping up and donating quickly. But I still need to raise more money. I am $774 short of my goal and I have seven days to get there. If you are reading this, and you haven't yet donated, please take the time to donate anything you can. If you can't, but you live in the SF area, come cheer on my team, and all the walkers! Before next Friday, I will post the cheering section locations throughout San Francisco, Oakland and Marin. 

My mood isn't the best, and even though I tried to put on my big girl panties and face the day, I am having a hard time. In so many ways, I am ashamed of this. Right this very second, a very dear person in my life is lying in the hospital recovering from major surgery. His family and friends are surrounding him with love and kisses as he struggles to recover and move onto the next step of his experience. He is a survivor and is fighting the battle of his life. I can see him flirting with the nurses.  I picture him getting grumpy because he can't get up and walk out the front door to get home and mess around on his laptop. I imagine the physical pain he is experiencing and the psychological struggle of everyone to be positive and upbeat. I cry that I can't be there to hold his hand and tell him how proud of him I am. Instead I am at home bemoaning everything I have to do. It is sad and I am off to look in the mirror and give myself a really long lecture.

Two weeks from tomorrow, I will be home. I will be settling into a schedule and a "normal" life. My children will be back in their neighborhood. Commutes will be a thing of the past. I can make plans for the afternoons and not worry about traffic.

Two weeks from tomorrow, the very dear person in my life will be figuring out the next steps he has to take to make sure he is around for everyone to love for a long time.

Perspective, it is time for me to have some.

happymommy

PS: Today, someone congratulated me on my pregnancy. Someone I KNOW! It has been a banner day!

PPS: I am not pregnant, but please please donate to my walk if you can! 

Group therapy by myself...

During my 3Day training walk today, I gave myself some group therapy. It went much better than the last training walk I attended with myself. 

It is time for me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, put on my big girl panties, wake up each day and clap  my hands and say loudly, "Today is THE DAY for greatness." I will be kinder to everyone in my family. There is so much on my plate, our plates really. It has become more than I can bear, so instead of just facing the storm, I have avoided it.

Over these past months, I have relinquished so much to Jeff. I have asked him to make all the house decisions, and I am fine with that. It was what I wanted. But now that we are so close to moving day, I HAVE to be a bigger part of the process. This can't involve me being grumpy about everything going on around here. I am going to buck up, turn my frown upside down and accept what must be done.

I will no longer yell and scream about the boy who lives downstairs who plays his horrid music all hours of the day and night loud enough to shake the house along with partaking in other activities that I don't need to hear. I won't yell at the kids to stop jumping and being kids. Well, I might a little because it is annoying. Our circumstance is what it is. I can't change it. But it is time for me to change.

I will smile. I will work at getting things done. I will maintain a family atmosphere that is supporting and loving. It is time.

happymommy
PS: Please go donate to my 3Day Walk for the cure. Click here, or look to your right, click on the 3Day widget and go donate a mazillion dollars! KTHXBAI! (Or don't, whichever!)

Training...

As you all know, I am doing the3day Walk for the Cure in less than three weeks. I haven't trained at all. Life got in the way because there are just a few things going on around the happymommy house. There is this and there is the new job, which I started in March and am now taking a little breather from because, well I have way too much happening. Oh, and there is the driving.

Currently, we are moving back into our house two days before I take part in this 3day Walk. Yeah, because I am great at scheduling and not creating more havoc than necessary. I know it will all work, but it can be overwhelming to think about it all at once. Not to mention, we have a personal family issue happening that is taking Jeff away for three days next week while I sit at home and worry about the personal family issue from afar. When we got this news three weeks ago, I cried for twenty-four hours. I am "sure" next week will be fine and everything will go great and I will not cry. I know it!

So back to my story: I haven't trained at all for this walk. I meant to, but I didn't. I will be walking 20 miles a day for three days in less than three weeks. So today, I started my training, in my new shoes. I took off with a backpack of water, a cookbook I dropped off along the way and my sunglasses. Well, my broken sunglasses that I stopped and had fixed. See, training is going great. I made it five miles. Then I took the bus home. I am ridiculous.

I will try again on Thursday in the late evening. I need to do at least ten miles that day, and then over the weekend get up to 12. Clearly, I have put a lot of thought into this. :(

I got lost in Golden Gate Park today. How I did that, I don't know. I refocused myself, headed west and eventually found the ocean. During my very productive refocusing, I did manage to think way too much. Please find my train of thought below:

• What if I get attacked? I have no mace, or a rape whistle. Can I yell loud enough for someone to hear me? Would I?
• In all honesty, I did tweet that I was lost so if I did go missing, my followers would know when I went missing and approximately where I was. Now, how this information would be helpful, I don't know. Twitter did tell me to ask the bison for directions, which made me laugh and I forgot about being attacked.
• If I am attacked and do die and if I am creamated will it cause the creamation people to get Poison Oak because I STILL HAVE POISON OAK. (Clearly, I am insane.)
• When Jeff goes away next week, what will happen if his plane goes down. (Once again, clearly, I am insane.)
• Do the new light fixtures Jeff picked out for the renovation match? (I don't really need to say it do I?)
• Did I remember to close the door all the way?

And then I found the ocean.

All in all it was a good first day of training. I probably should listen to a book while I walk and stop listening to my brain when alone. I think this is the smartest way to go.

happymommy

PS: Please go donate to my 3Day Walk for the cure. Click here, or look to your right, click on the 3Day widget and go donate a mazillion dollars! KTHXBAI! (Or don't, whichever!)