My day was so difficult. We woke up, took James to daycare and Lilly and I headed to the pool for four hours. Since Lilly can swim, I was able to lounge, read, eat and people watch. I struggled not to intervene when Lilly searched for a friend. She kept asking little girls to play and they either ignored her, or told her to leave them alone. Finally, I got in the pool and told her something I wish I had learned. early in my life. When someone doesn't want to play with you or be your friend, it is her loss not yours. Don't follow someone around as she ignores you, just go along and have fun elsewhere. Lilly took this to heart and continued to have a blast, with me and on her own.
And look what happened once she stopped caring.
She found a friend.
The other issue of the day was one with which I have really been struggling lately, and really all my life. My weight. I wish I didn't care, but I do. I am bigger now than I was six months ago, after having two children and losing all my baby weight plus a few more. Now I weigh what I weighed when I married Jeff. Most people would be proud of this. Me, I want to get in my jeans again. I made the mistake of having my jeans taken in at my skinniest and now none of them fit. I walk around in linen pants all the time that are a size too big. They are comfortable and don't hug my belly.
I watched the women around the pool today and yes, there were some with rock hard abs and no cellulite even though they were toting around three children, and the youngest they gave birth to yesterday. But honestly, most of them were variations of me. And every single one was beautiful.
It is time I come to terms with the fact that I have the body that I have. As long as I try to maintain some sort of exercise regime and eat healthy, I am what I am. I must learn to look in the mirror and love myself. I will no longer get depressed that I can't wear my size 4 skinny jeans. This will be so very hard for me, but I will do it. I must be an example to Lilly. I will do my best to show her to love herself physically and mentally. Both of my children are beautiful and I must learn to see that I am beautiful too.