I looked at myself this morning and I realized that all the things happening in my life are marching over my face. I am wrinkled, have bags under my eyes, cellulite that won't quit, a belly that frightens small children and age spots instead of freckles. My chicken neck and double chin make me physically cringe. I am sad about this. I realize we all age but I didn't think that turning forty in October meant I actually, physically turned forty. What happened to my smooth skin? My young hands?
My life is full of obstacles these days: constant driving, working with little to no results, growing children who seem to constantly act like teenagers. I smile, but do I do it enough? Should I? Does that cause more wrinkles?
I don't mind being older, but I truly don't want to look it. Getting back in our house won't make me look younger. Spending less time in the car won't take away the bags and extremely alarming crows feet. Selling a million dollar contract to a large corporation won't make the thing hanging under my neck suddenly disapper.
I am older. I have never been the prettiest in the room, so it's not like all of the sudden I was the beauty queen or supermodel and now I am the dowdy old woman who never gets a 2nd glance. It depresses me and makes me think about lifting this, suctioning that and implanting those. Will I do any of these? Of course not. My husband wouldn't allow it, even if we could afford it. My father would have a coronary on the spot. My mother, oh the look I would get if I even mentioned such procedures in a serious way. My sister, well my sister would probably see if we could get a two for one deal, but it still would never happen.
I am the way I am. What do I do to change this? I don't know. Dr. Google only knows what to sell me not how to change me.
I can start exercising more. Ok, I will start doing this.
I can eat better, and not late at night. Ok I will start doing this.
I can wear more sunscreen. Ok, I will start doing this.
I can stop stressing out about everything and start enjoying life more. Ok, I will start doing this.
WHEN WE GET BACK IN OUR HOUSE, I WILL START DOING ALL OF THIS! Jeff and I have spent a lot of time talking about how our return to our HOME will be a rebirth of sorts. It will essentially be a new home. We will be essentially new people. We will be happier and healthier.
We are all excited about getting home. I am not sure anyone is more excited than me. The new me is ready to emerge from the darkness.
** The title of this post is from the great Truvy (Dolly Parton) in Steel Magnolias. It is one of my favorite movies of all time. I could not find the quote on YouTube, so I am sharing you two others. Both apply to me. Not just today, just most days! Enjoy!